01 August 2009


I've moved my blog to Wordpress. I like it better. =)

Check it out! MY NEW BLOG!

15 July 2009

long lost post

it's been a while since i posted because i went to Salt Lake City (SLC) for work the last week of June and then off to Indiana to visit family the first few weeks of July. i'm back on California soil and trying to adjust back to reality. it sucks.

i have a REAL hard time....and i mean HARD HARD time.....coming home after being with my family. ALL of my extended family lives in Indiana. My mom was an only child raised in SF, CA and her parents died when i was 12 & 16 so no family here in CA. My dad has 6 brothers and sisters and a ton other family all in Indiana (his dad died before i was born, and his mom died when i was 12). My dad and his next younger brother Kenny are gone leaving the last 5 siblings. It's just my mom, my brother & his family and me & mike/JW here in CA. it sucks.

So being in Indiana does a lot of different things for me. First, it surrounds me by a minimum of 10 people at all times**. Second, everything about it reminds me of my dad, from the smells to the sights, to my 2 other uncles who are carbon copies of my dad by either looks or mannerisms. Third, it's just being near family that keeps the flame in my soul lit.

**this is not normal for the family that lives back there. all the cousins, 2/3/4th cousins, etc come out of the "woodwork" when the "CALIFORNIA FAMILY" is in town. So that means my Aunt Deb gets visitors like crazy while we're staying there and then virtually NO ONE when we're NOT there. so it is fairly unrealistic for me to think that's how it is all the time and that's why i should live there. BUT even just being around my 2 aunts and 2 uncles is enough for me.

basically we got back on sunday night i was back to work monday morning and SO depressed. i am seriously in withdrawals. i want to move there. is that crazy?

11 June 2009

WAHM!!! *sounds like BAM!

so i learned a new acronym the other day (thank you rebecca!) and it's WAHM....work at home mom. and it's like God was up there....wherever the hell "up" is.....and said oh, steph's struggling with this whole work from home crap AND take care of a 10mo old thing. guess i could help out a bit.....and down poured like 5 blog posts from people i follow (dooce, cool mom, girl's gone child, ohanamama, and momversation) about WAHM's.

seriously i got knocked out by all these posts. i couldn't believe it.


so basically i have this to say. all you stay at home mom's who don't work or those mom's who go to work full time and the kids are at day care or wherever....you ain't got nothin' on WAHM's. seriously. i'm not saying you have it easy. NO WAY. but being a WAHM is a whole 'nother ball game.

and i say this more so for the dad's out there. if you are a husband/partner of a WAHM please hug them....like daily.

when you go off to work you get to shut off the mommy/daddy mind and focus 110% on work, no questions. when you are a SAHM (stay at home mom/dad) you can focus 110% on taking care/entertaining your kids and doing house stuff.

when you're a WAHM....you have to do ALL of that at the same time.

for example. i'm on an important conference call with my corporate office and my son is screaming in the background because he crapped his diaper and fell and hit his head AND he needs a nap. Thank God for the mute button! but sometimes i'm on a conference call TRAINING employees while all this happens. they usually get this:

"um...can i put you on hold for a quick sec...."

or they say...

"oh...i hear baby! he doesn't sound to happy."

OH REALLY!? Thanks for pointing that out.

so any way. i'm trying to find a balance. and it's getting harder to do as jeremiah gets more mobile. gone are the days of breast feeding a quiet 3 mo old WHILE on a conference call.

seriously you guys. i was so frazzled this morning i was trying to get dressed at 930am when my boss called that....no joke....i was sitting at my desk with only shorts and a bra on talking to my boss taking down notes on a project.

oh Lord. thank god we don't do video conferencing!

08 June 2009

not me monday...

so i stole this idea from another mommy blogger. "not me monday"....a time to be brutally honest about some of my imperfections and reveal a few moments I'd rather forget. *read all items with my complete sarcasm...

i'm totally using my $60 Wii Active. i mean it kicked my ass tonight.....from the shelf.

i totally didn't whine at my son today to stop fighting me. "stttoooopppp...."

i totally love that spencer & heidi are praising the Lord on "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here." People really can turn a leaf ya know. i mean hellow.....stephen baldwin.
and by the way i never judge people.

i could never eat my emotions. i mean don't people just work out to relieve stress. duh?!

i can't believe i don't blog more often. i realized the other night that maybe one of the reasons i don't is that by the time i finish working, feed jeremiah, get him down for bed and then breath it's 8pm and then i check my facebook, twitter, google reader (aka all the blogs i follow) and next thing i know it's like 930pm or 10pm and i'm exhausted and feel like i have pretty much spent the hours of 8am through 7pm in front of the computer/tv. that is ridiculous.

i was super depressed today. like real down in the dumps and usually i trap myself in the apartment but today i made an effort and took jeremiah for a walk outside for a half hour hoping it would kind of lift the spirits. it definitely didn't. i just want to eat a lot of fried food and a gallon of ice cream.

instead, i'm blogging. and i want to go to bed. i'm not sure if that's any better.

14 May 2009

i'm a horrible parent....(the first of many)

so today was my official.....i'm a horrible parent.....moment. and the funny thing is it wasn't even me who "did" it. mike was home for a long lunch from work and he had jeremiah in his room doing who knows what and i'm working away at my desk and then i hear the dreadful noise i've been waiting for since he started getting a move on (aka crawling)........

oh f*!%. (that was mike not jeremiah) **shocking gasp**
(who knew mike cussed right!? yea he does. more frequently with age. it's funny except in times like these.)

*****QUICK 2 second PAUSE******

....and a thud, then a scream (cause jeremiah's head hit the ground)

let's just say, i knew when mike dropped the f-bomb that jeremiah was taking a tumble. i just wasn't sure off where.....the bed or the changing table.
**secretly hoped for the bed cause it's a shorter distance to the ground.

i think i made it into the bedroom in under 3 leaps. mike had him and he was totally crying for real and mike had this look of terror in his eyes. of course questions come tumbling out of mouth while trying not to make it out to be like mike was totally ignorant and at fault.....cause honestly it could have easily been me. i've done the same thing a bunch of times.

i guess jeremiah was on his tummy on the bed reaching for some stuff and mike turned his back for literally 1 second turned around and he was already half off the bed. i can't imagine that moment.

so for the next 4 hours i was in a panic that since he landed on his head something bad happened and he had internal bleeding or something. but he's fine and was like mom....it's cool i'm good. i'm bouncing, crawling, singing. you know the usual. so calm down. but i still feel like a horrible parent.

we all do this at least once right? we all fell on our heads as babies right?

oh God i hope so.

12 May 2009

oral procedures and the like...

so last friday i got my wisdom teeth pulled. thanks be to God i only had the top 2, so that was easy peesy. HOWEVER........i also got what's called a Lingual Frenectomy. basically it looks like this (this isn't my mouth, it's some random person's):

so long story short, the piece of skin that connects the tongue to the bottom of your mouth/jaw was really short/tight on me. it didn't cause me any problems but in most cases it causes "tongue tie" where you have speech issues and stuff. also as you get older it can begin to tighten even more and then begin to rip the skin off the back of your teeth/gums. yea that's right. RIP/TEAR! it also prevents you from sticking your tongue out very far, hence the horrible teasing from family/friends for my pathetic attempts at sticking my tongue out at people. so when i went to get set up for the 2 wisdom teeth extraction the doc was like..."hey i could just snip that for you while we're in there...you'll be a little sore for about a week but it's all good. so i went....."sure, sounds good. just promise me i won't have a lisp once we're done or i'll have to kill you." he laughed.

well i can now say that it's the worst pain EVER. SERIOUSLY. i mean c'mon people i had a baby and i tore 3 degrees and had a few other horrific things happen the weeks post-birth. so for me to say this is the worst pain EVER.....that's something.

basically it feels like i got a MAJOR MAJOR DEEP paper cut underneath my tongue, burned my whole tongue on hot coffee OVER AND OVER again and with that i can't move it, talk, or eat really cause it's swollen to the nth degree. and let me tell you....until you have something like this you have no clue the natural reflexes your tongue has or the random things you do that necessitate the use of your tongue. i mean i coughed in the middle of the night and literally came off the bed screaming. i thought i had ripped the stitches out. needless to say i scared mike to death. i think he thought i was dying.

so it's been 5 days since the procedure and i had a follow up appointment and he said "yea you should be uncomfortable for about another 5 days". WTF!? 5 more days! SON OF A .....

ok its gonna be ok....that's saturday and tomorrow is wednesday so i'm almost there. i can do it!!!

real food and real talking here i come!!

ps. no i do not recommend this procedure unless completely necessary cause it sucks.

30 April 2009

thoughts of a growing mind.

i've been reading a lot of "mom" blogs lately (thanks oprah & meg H) and i found some that seem right up my alley. the mommy blogger's are not your "quote - unquote" typical mom's. so that's awesome cause i don't think i'm a typical mom. sometimes i look in the mirror and honestly think God made a mistake or something because i don't even LOOK like a mom. but i mean what does a mom LOOK like any way? i don't know i guess whatever i think they look like.....i don't think i look like that.....or something. whatever.

well reading these blogger's have made me want to blog. like professionally. i mean jeez. they get PAID for letting people basically read their journals. seriously!? i'm down. i love to write. well here's to hoping.....

so my other love is reading and i really hope that my kids will love to read too. i take this as a sign that maybe JW will. . .

earlier today i had so much more i wanted to write about but that will have to wait i guess. check out my list of blogs that i follow to the right.... ---->


06 April 2009

"baby proofing"

so i am a pretty basic go-with-the-flow kind of mom. i try to be as normal and non-anal as i can be. i have actually surprised myself with how calm i am. but that's not the point.

i truly believe in letting your kid experience as much as he can. keeping your kid isolated does him/her no good. especially when it comes to building an immune system for sickness and allergies. i had heard about this but now i have a published example from E: The Environmental Magazine July/August 2005:
"The number of children with peanut allergies has doubled in the past five years, according to the European Public Health Alliance. In just a generation, nuts have gone from a good-for-you treat to a ban-worthy scourge.

Barbara Boston, a nurse practitioner at the George Washington Center for Integrative Medicine, suspects that one of the culprits may be the limited food choice of most Westerners. "People don't eat seasonally anymore: Some reports have estimated that most people eat the same 20 foods over and over, in different combinations." Due to what she calls the "focusing" of diets, our immune systems are less able to deal with the constant influx of the same foods, which is exacerbated by processing of whole foods and the inclusion of the same ingredients repeatedly in packaged foods. If an allergenic substance (besides nuts, wheat, soy and milk are common allergens) is one of those constantly eaten foods, and a mother-to-be ingests it throughout her pregnancy, her fetus (as early as the second trimester) may become sensitized to that food.

C'mon people! Get it together! Don't you get that by withholding all of these things or trying to keep your kids "safe" you are actually doing them more harm then good. remember when we used to play in mud and drink water out of the hose and all that crazy stuff when we were kids!? we made out just fine didn't we?! our immune systems are probably stronger for it too.

passive aggressive anal moms: a message to you. GET OVER IT!

see below:

20 March 2009

musings. . . .

so we just went to vegas with the fam for a bit of a get away. it was fun. hard to be away from jeremiah, but it was nice to have a bit of a break. mike & i were in rare form:

but anyway. so lately i've been having trouble falling asleep. mostly because i can't get my brain to slow down. even if i'm ready to pass out on the couch, i'll get in bed and immediately my brain starts running at high speed through all of these thoughts. some of the thoughts going through my mind:

1. my dad
2. my brother & his family
3. my job
4. buying a house
5. the discovery connecting to the space station. random i know.

i almost got up last night to blog about it all but i didn't so of course now when i'm trying to get it out i've forgotten some of my thoughts. i've realized that i have a lot of pent up frustrations about different things and i really need to start getting them out. one way i'm going to do that is work out. even if it's just walking. i really have to get this pent up energy out. and second i need to write it out. i really need to get back into it.

lately i've really been missing my dad. it's been 4 years and some days it feels longer than that and others it feels like yesterday. i just think about picking up the phone and calling him to talk to him about all this crap like every day and then i realize i can't. that i can't ever talk to him again. and then i just want to die inside. it's just not fair that i can't ever talk to my dad again. and that i lost him at 24, that WE lost him and from that point forward i live in fear EVERY DAY that i will lose my mom and then i will never recover. i think it's hard being without my dad......i talk to my mom EVERY day at least twice and i call her the second i'm frustrated, sad, angry about ANYTHING. what am i going to do when she's not here. who am i going to go to. i fear that i will feel SO alone because my brother doesn't have that kind of relationship with me and my mom. i don't want to be alone. i don't want to be without my family.

ok that felt a little better.

mike & i are looking for a house. i'm scared to death. but their so cheap now we can actually get into the market. now or never i guess.

i am still TOTALLY amazed that we send people to space and they build crap up there and live up there for months at a time and then fly back to earth and it's like no one cares. it's like 6th page news. HELLO!? WE GO TO SPACE!? WE HAVE A SPACE STATION!? THIS IS INCREDIBLE!!!! I feel like this guy:

27 February 2009

octuplet mania

so i've been DVR-ing Oprah even though i don't particularly care for her. especially her belief regarding "spirituality" but anyway that's not my point at the moment.

her recent show on wednesday or something was about the Octuplet Mania and Nadia's (the mom) father was on. well i wanted to tune in because i've been kind of frustrated with the coverage on this. i understand that 14 children is a lot and i understand that she probably wasn't thinking completely through on this whole thing. i also know that she is single and who knows how she's going to do it. HOWEVER.....can i say one thing:

THE DUGGARS!!?!?!?!?!

This family has a reality TV show on TLC and they have 18 kids! Granted not 8 at one time. BUT the point is ONE more person (the husband) is not going to be THAT much help in raising 18 kids. Yes Nadia is alone but she has her mother/father to help. At least she doesn't have 4 more kids!!!! No one talks about whether the Duggars having 18 kids is right or not. Interesting.....

We are such judgmental people. when will we learn that we all make bad decisions. this is done. the babies are here. why focus on what she did when it's already done. let's help the babies who are the truly innocent one's in this situation.


17 February 2009

american idol love & other thoughts

topic 1: american idol

ok. i can't lie. tatiana del toro has an amazing voice. but damn she is annoying as hell!!! i don't know how to vote. cause i really like alexis grace and this whole only 3 making it through in each group thing is WACK!

i'm just sayin'

topic 2: my husband

he's hilarious and too good to me. i think i'm a selfish person and i need to work on this. plus i'm lazy. poor guy.

topic 3: news

i watch too much news. i used to not watch enough. now i have fox news on while i'm working all day. overdoing it much?

topic 4: cookies

mike is making cookies right now. i love him

topic 5:

i just read the memory keepers daughter by kim edwards and i loved it. it's a wonderfully written story on how one choice in your life can have many disastrous consequences. and i had to google the authors name cause i forgot it and just found out they made a Lifetime movie of the book. crap! cause fyi....it's a downer. a good downer, but a downer. dermot mulroney stars in it. i like him, but i think i'm gonna pass. i don't want to ruin the book.

night. night.

01 February 2009

giving in to the pressure

i'm not really one to speak out on politics and religion. i feel like i don't know enough to contribute and i guess i get intimidated fairly quickly with all the "jargon". i also fear judgement. i fear being looked at in a wrong light or as a bad person because of how i think or because i cannot explain myself clearly.

but i've had about enough.

i am scared for our future as Americans. i do not believe in our current president. and to make it clear, it's not a race issue thank you. i am more than proud to be a part of a generation/time when we are able to elect a black president or any ethnicity for that matter. but after the over abundance of media attention and eventual activism for him on their part it became inevitable that the American people would become overly fascinated and swept up in the propaganda that ensued. I mean c'mon. The posters of him in the blue shades and red and the songs written for him......that SCREAMS propaganda. and so many of Americans fell for it hook line and sinker. when was the last time songs were written about a president?? Obama spoke of hope over and over......hope isn't a policy. it isn't something that you can put into action. what is he ACTUALLY GOING TO DO!? Did you know that Bush gives over 30% of his income to charity and that increased as his income increased and that Cheney gives over 70% of his income. Obama gave less than 5% to charity and Biden gave NOTHING. HELLO!? you want to pledge to help people......what about our president??

i just think we aren't seeing clearly. we're being jaded by suave rhetoric. and the sad thing is.....if Obama does nothing substantially positive while in office his supporters will blame it on Bush. "well look at the mess he had to clean up". every president has walked into something.....Bush did the best he could under the circumstances. particularly with the war. what choice did he really have. it was a double edged sword. if he did not respond we would have been pissed. but whatever. we'll see what happens at the end of the 4 years or 8 if he gets re-elected. we'll see how wonderful every one talks about him then.

i'm just worried.......a friend of mine said it best in his comment to my video below:

"If they wouldn't have produced this video had McCain been elected, then it tells you that this video is more than just trying to inspire people to "get off their asses." It is, as appears in the video, a "pledge to Obama" that is masked in the guise of good works. What's absolutely ... Read More dangerous about this and the insane cult of personality that follows this President is that men can change. If you pledge your allegiance to an idea or a value, then what is eternal, but pledging allegiance to some guy who you've never met personally is absolutely dangerous. I'm in no way implying that Obama is comparable to Hitler, but it was the SAME mentality that got people swept up into Nazism. They didn't pledge themselves to an ideal or to a belief, they pledged themselves to a man. And when that man turned out to be crazy and killed 6,000,000 innocent Jews, people were so caught up in hysteria that they allowed this atrocity to happen!"

22 January 2009

A Change We Can Believe In

"I pledge not to be held captive by hollow & deceptive philosophies peddled to me by rich celebrities to become a servant of a political leader (real quote from vid: "I pledge to be a servant of President Obama") To follow socialist dogma let alone conservative dogma would betray my true identity as a servant to Jesus Christ. For freedom is not found by adding or removing laws and restrictions it's found by the removal of guilt & shame through the blood of Jesus Christ alone. A Change We Can Believe In is the change God does in us."
-The Compton's

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