08 December 2008

without dad.

as i get older i see more of my dad in myself and i couldn't be more thankful. i see how well he prepared me for life and for how to be the best person i can be.

i try to help my mom out as much as i can and one of those items was helping her get her christmas tree up. it was SO frustrating because the trunk was crooked and so it made the tree top heavy. i can't tell you how many times i adjusted the screws on that stupid tree stand. but we got it done and it was a great time. we thought back to how it used to be dad messing with the stand while having my mom & i tell him if the tree was straight or not.....usually in a totally irritated tone because my mom is a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to a straight standing tree. ps. it was hilarious b/c jeremiah just sat & watched us struggle with the tree and made grunting noises. i love him.

i wanted to plant the japanese maple tree i got her for her birthday but it was already dark outside and 38 degrees so she refused. we both figured it would be my luck that i would hit a pipe or something. we are pretty competent independent women but i leave that kind of stuff to the guys. and my brother is SO not helpful when we call for help. he makes us feel stupid.

i'm so thankful i live close and can help my mom out when she needs it. my dad really did so many things around the house/yard. you don't realize those little things until they aren't here anymore.

i miss him. i miss our complete family. it still feels like there is this gaping hole and i'm sure it will always feel that way. he was the leader of our family, our guide.

sometimes i'm thankful he's not here for the only reason that he would probably go POSTAL about some of the stuff that has gone on in our family since he's been gone. it would NOT be good!

i wish when i walked in the door at home he would be at the kitchen table eating breakfast like he always was.....reading the paper.......saying...."hey, sis!"

i love you dad. thank you for sending me jeremiah. i just know you had a hand in it. at least that's what i want to believe.


Sara said...

I didn't know you were back to your blog!

I wish we didn't live so far away from each other! I miss you and can't believe I haven't seen your precious baby in person.

I know it's not the same but I help my mom with all the stuff my dad used to do around the house. My brother doesn't have the time or patience.

I sent you a Christmas card. Let me know if you get it! ;)

MEGAN said...

What a beautiful tribute to your dad Steph.