07 October 2008

missing friends

so mike & i have been married for 4 years and 2.25 months. we've been through more trials than i could have ever imagined. and even when i didn't think we were going to be able to rise above it or survive, i think deep inside i knew we would, somehow, someway, some day.

when mike & i met i was trying to take a break from guys and i remember myself saying "steph....do NOT fall for this guy, you need to be by yourself". well....that little pep talk DID NOT work obviously and i instantly fell for him. i knew he was different from the start and i knew that he would love me through all of my nasty-ness.

i distinctly remember this one night in Glendora's Wal-Mart. We had broken up after 6 months of dating and i thought my world was over. he did too.....i think he would admit that. anyway. we were discussing being together again and how much we cared about each other as we walk through Wal-Mart. we're in the guys clothing section weaving in and out of the racks when mike says to me, "i always knew that the next girl i dated, i would marry." i made him say it again because i wasn't sure i heard right the first time. i think my heart stopped that night because at that point i knew we would be together forever.

even though we've been married 4 years and counting, we've actually been together for 8 years this Nov 17. that is amazing. i don't think i've ever laughed so much as i do with mike. we have some serious hilarious moments. and he even says i've got funnier over the years. i smile.

anyway, back to the point of the blog. we've been through a lot and some how we ended up in the Central Valley of CA. No where near any of our friends. well near a couple of them but we never see them. i've been keeping in touch with our friends by reading their blogs and facebooks....but its just not the same.

we used to camp out in starbucks. like constantly. and argue over theology. thanks brendan, karsten, & mike for making me feel like an idiot, yet loved at the same time. if we weren't at starbucks we were at wahoo's or church. there was lots of drama in those days but i would go back in a second.

a friend of mine (m.hebs) has a great blog and i read the whole thing tonight to catch up (she's a great & frequent blogger unlike myself) and she had a blog on church that seriously felt like it came from my head.

i haven't been to church since my dad died pretty much except for a few visits here and there to Rock Harbor and Calvary Chapel Modesto.

not only were we both tremendously hurt by the church or i should say church pastors, but we were betrayed. i've had a tough time recovering from this. i don't trust church leaders and i find it hard to deal with church life. i wasn't raised in the church so i've always struggled with going. mike has gone since his birth so it's like ingrained in him to get up and go EVERY morning. this was a difficult point in our marriage.

but now, we never go. we basically both haven't stepped foot in a church for over a year. who knew....we used to LIVE at Lake Hills.

and now we have no home church, no church family, no youth group kids to hopefully guide through life, no friends.

how do you make friends at 28/29?? how do you get the guts to meet new people especially when all you want is the old crew??

i miss our friends.

1 comment:

MEGAN said...

OH MY GOSH, Ian and I have NO friends. We hang out w/my parents, like once a week (thank god for them). I think about raising a child outside of some kind of close knit church family, and it makes me so sad, but at the same time I dont want to force myself to go back, and I haven't been anywhere that I love or want to invest myself in.

And, marriage is harder than I ever thought it would be, but it is also richer and more fulfilling that my wildest dreams.

Can't wait to see you!