20 December 2006

the wee hours

i've done it to myself again. here it is 3:11am and i am sitting in the chair in the corner of my room. my old room. the one i had when i was 16. and here i am again 10 years later as an adult. how hilarious is life? jeez.

oh....and by did it again i meant stayed up beyond the normal limits of the true definition of "late". it is now at insomniac level 1. yes. i consider myself part-insomniac, part-can't get my ass out of bed. is the contradictory? whatever.

i'm not so sure about confessions.


i've had a few of these over the past week. oh....and no not by myself. meaning i didn't confess anything.......i was the receiver.

i've been baking a lot. and a lot refers to a total over abundance. way uncalled for amounts of xmas treats. i think its a form of mourning.


mourning the continued loss of my dad..........as he begins to inhabit my dreams at night.........telling me my gingersnaps taste good. did he really taste them? or is it just me projecting my desire for him to taste them........personally.

mourning a confession i received this weekend and perhaps the yet to hit anger and loss and shock. baking is a good avoidance tool.

don't try this at home.

*you may be silently asking yourself why i pose this discussion. hold on tight.

**yes i said mourning. perhaps not in the literal physical loss......but every other loss one can obtain.

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