01 August 2009


I've moved my blog to Wordpress. I like it better. =)

Check it out! MY NEW BLOG!

15 July 2009

long lost post

it's been a while since i posted because i went to Salt Lake City (SLC) for work the last week of June and then off to Indiana to visit family the first few weeks of July. i'm back on California soil and trying to adjust back to reality. it sucks.

i have a REAL hard time....and i mean HARD HARD time.....coming home after being with my family. ALL of my extended family lives in Indiana. My mom was an only child raised in SF, CA and her parents died when i was 12 & 16 so no family here in CA. My dad has 6 brothers and sisters and a ton other family all in Indiana (his dad died before i was born, and his mom died when i was 12). My dad and his next younger brother Kenny are gone leaving the last 5 siblings. It's just my mom, my brother & his family and me & mike/JW here in CA. it sucks.

So being in Indiana does a lot of different things for me. First, it surrounds me by a minimum of 10 people at all times**. Second, everything about it reminds me of my dad, from the smells to the sights, to my 2 other uncles who are carbon copies of my dad by either looks or mannerisms. Third, it's just being near family that keeps the flame in my soul lit.

**this is not normal for the family that lives back there. all the cousins, 2/3/4th cousins, etc come out of the "woodwork" when the "CALIFORNIA FAMILY" is in town. So that means my Aunt Deb gets visitors like crazy while we're staying there and then virtually NO ONE when we're NOT there. so it is fairly unrealistic for me to think that's how it is all the time and that's why i should live there. BUT even just being around my 2 aunts and 2 uncles is enough for me.

basically we got back on sunday night i was back to work monday morning and SO depressed. i am seriously in withdrawals. i want to move there. is that crazy?

11 June 2009

WAHM!!! *sounds like BAM!

so i learned a new acronym the other day (thank you rebecca!) and it's WAHM....work at home mom. and it's like God was up there....wherever the hell "up" is.....and said oh, steph's struggling with this whole work from home crap AND take care of a 10mo old thing. guess i could help out a bit.....and down poured like 5 blog posts from people i follow (dooce, cool mom, girl's gone child, ohanamama, and momversation) about WAHM's.

seriously i got knocked out by all these posts. i couldn't believe it.


so basically i have this to say. all you stay at home mom's who don't work or those mom's who go to work full time and the kids are at day care or wherever....you ain't got nothin' on WAHM's. seriously. i'm not saying you have it easy. NO WAY. but being a WAHM is a whole 'nother ball game.

and i say this more so for the dad's out there. if you are a husband/partner of a WAHM please hug them....like daily.

when you go off to work you get to shut off the mommy/daddy mind and focus 110% on work, no questions. when you are a SAHM (stay at home mom/dad) you can focus 110% on taking care/entertaining your kids and doing house stuff.

when you're a WAHM....you have to do ALL of that at the same time.

for example. i'm on an important conference call with my corporate office and my son is screaming in the background because he crapped his diaper and fell and hit his head AND he needs a nap. Thank God for the mute button! but sometimes i'm on a conference call TRAINING employees while all this happens. they usually get this:

"um...can i put you on hold for a quick sec...."

or they say...

"oh...i hear baby! he doesn't sound to happy."

OH REALLY!? Thanks for pointing that out.

so any way. i'm trying to find a balance. and it's getting harder to do as jeremiah gets more mobile. gone are the days of breast feeding a quiet 3 mo old WHILE on a conference call.

seriously you guys. i was so frazzled this morning i was trying to get dressed at 930am when my boss called that....no joke....i was sitting at my desk with only shorts and a bra on talking to my boss taking down notes on a project.

oh Lord. thank god we don't do video conferencing!

08 June 2009

not me monday...

so i stole this idea from another mommy blogger. "not me monday"....a time to be brutally honest about some of my imperfections and reveal a few moments I'd rather forget. *read all items with my complete sarcasm...

i'm totally using my $60 Wii Active. i mean it kicked my ass tonight.....from the shelf.

i totally didn't whine at my son today to stop fighting me. "stttoooopppp...."

i totally love that spencer & heidi are praising the Lord on "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here." People really can turn a leaf ya know. i mean hellow.....stephen baldwin.
and by the way i never judge people.

i could never eat my emotions. i mean don't people just work out to relieve stress. duh?!

i can't believe i don't blog more often. i realized the other night that maybe one of the reasons i don't is that by the time i finish working, feed jeremiah, get him down for bed and then breath it's 8pm and then i check my facebook, twitter, google reader (aka all the blogs i follow) and next thing i know it's like 930pm or 10pm and i'm exhausted and feel like i have pretty much spent the hours of 8am through 7pm in front of the computer/tv. that is ridiculous.

i was super depressed today. like real down in the dumps and usually i trap myself in the apartment but today i made an effort and took jeremiah for a walk outside for a half hour hoping it would kind of lift the spirits. it definitely didn't. i just want to eat a lot of fried food and a gallon of ice cream.

instead, i'm blogging. and i want to go to bed. i'm not sure if that's any better.

14 May 2009

i'm a horrible parent....(the first of many)

so today was my official.....i'm a horrible parent.....moment. and the funny thing is it wasn't even me who "did" it. mike was home for a long lunch from work and he had jeremiah in his room doing who knows what and i'm working away at my desk and then i hear the dreadful noise i've been waiting for since he started getting a move on (aka crawling)........

oh f*!%. (that was mike not jeremiah) **shocking gasp**
(who knew mike cussed right!? yea he does. more frequently with age. it's funny except in times like these.)

*****QUICK 2 second PAUSE******

....and a thud, then a scream (cause jeremiah's head hit the ground)

let's just say, i knew when mike dropped the f-bomb that jeremiah was taking a tumble. i just wasn't sure off where.....the bed or the changing table.
**secretly hoped for the bed cause it's a shorter distance to the ground.

i think i made it into the bedroom in under 3 leaps. mike had him and he was totally crying for real and mike had this look of terror in his eyes. of course questions come tumbling out of mouth while trying not to make it out to be like mike was totally ignorant and at fault.....cause honestly it could have easily been me. i've done the same thing a bunch of times.

i guess jeremiah was on his tummy on the bed reaching for some stuff and mike turned his back for literally 1 second turned around and he was already half off the bed. i can't imagine that moment.

so for the next 4 hours i was in a panic that since he landed on his head something bad happened and he had internal bleeding or something. but he's fine and was like mom....it's cool i'm good. i'm bouncing, crawling, singing. you know the usual. so calm down. but i still feel like a horrible parent.

we all do this at least once right? we all fell on our heads as babies right?

oh God i hope so.

12 May 2009

oral procedures and the like...

so last friday i got my wisdom teeth pulled. thanks be to God i only had the top 2, so that was easy peesy. HOWEVER........i also got what's called a Lingual Frenectomy. basically it looks like this (this isn't my mouth, it's some random person's):

so long story short, the piece of skin that connects the tongue to the bottom of your mouth/jaw was really short/tight on me. it didn't cause me any problems but in most cases it causes "tongue tie" where you have speech issues and stuff. also as you get older it can begin to tighten even more and then begin to rip the skin off the back of your teeth/gums. yea that's right. RIP/TEAR! it also prevents you from sticking your tongue out very far, hence the horrible teasing from family/friends for my pathetic attempts at sticking my tongue out at people. so when i went to get set up for the 2 wisdom teeth extraction the doc was like..."hey i could just snip that for you while we're in there...you'll be a little sore for about a week but it's all good. so i went....."sure, sounds good. just promise me i won't have a lisp once we're done or i'll have to kill you." he laughed.

well i can now say that it's the worst pain EVER. SERIOUSLY. i mean c'mon people i had a baby and i tore 3 degrees and had a few other horrific things happen the weeks post-birth. so for me to say this is the worst pain EVER.....that's something.

basically it feels like i got a MAJOR MAJOR DEEP paper cut underneath my tongue, burned my whole tongue on hot coffee OVER AND OVER again and with that i can't move it, talk, or eat really cause it's swollen to the nth degree. and let me tell you....until you have something like this you have no clue the natural reflexes your tongue has or the random things you do that necessitate the use of your tongue. i mean i coughed in the middle of the night and literally came off the bed screaming. i thought i had ripped the stitches out. needless to say i scared mike to death. i think he thought i was dying.

so it's been 5 days since the procedure and i had a follow up appointment and he said "yea you should be uncomfortable for about another 5 days". WTF!? 5 more days! SON OF A .....

ok its gonna be ok....that's saturday and tomorrow is wednesday so i'm almost there. i can do it!!!

real food and real talking here i come!!

ps. no i do not recommend this procedure unless completely necessary cause it sucks.

30 April 2009

thoughts of a growing mind.

i've been reading a lot of "mom" blogs lately (thanks oprah & meg H) and i found some that seem right up my alley. the mommy blogger's are not your "quote - unquote" typical mom's. so that's awesome cause i don't think i'm a typical mom. sometimes i look in the mirror and honestly think God made a mistake or something because i don't even LOOK like a mom. but i mean what does a mom LOOK like any way? i don't know i guess whatever i think they look like.....i don't think i look like that.....or something. whatever.

well reading these blogger's have made me want to blog. like professionally. i mean jeez. they get PAID for letting people basically read their journals. seriously!? i'm down. i love to write. well here's to hoping.....

so my other love is reading and i really hope that my kids will love to read too. i take this as a sign that maybe JW will. . .

earlier today i had so much more i wanted to write about but that will have to wait i guess. check out my list of blogs that i follow to the right.... ---->